Struggles of Understanding

The question becomes...........am I looking in the right place?

The only thing about leading a faith community, a church, that I don't like is the demand of vision. That's not really a complaint, it's a statement of fact. I do pretty well choosing paths for myself and my family, there is risk involved but God has been faithful and I get it, most of the time. When it comes to choosing paths for a group of people? Now it can be difficult.

See, I know what God told me to do before; I'm well aware of how he led us in preparation for planting The Well; I clearly remember the feeling of wide open spaces and the adrenaline of a new adventure and how it would affect my family and their future. Now, however, sometimes it's a struggle. When you lead your family, no one shows up and offers opinions about what you are doing, except the occasional in-law or other extended family member; and even if they do give an opinion, well, yours is the only one that counts (in conjunction with your spouse, of course!). As I seek God's face for direction for our little community, or for my place in that community, I am barraged by opinions. That's not a bad thing but, it steals the focus away from listening to God.

Currently, for example, I want to move in to Austin to be closer to the ministry. Cut and dried right? And a personal decision? Nope.

You see, there's a group of people, myself included, who feel like moving is the 'right' thing to do. From a ministry standpoint it seems like there should be no question. I must live in Austin! Heck, I've even wanted to live in Austin for 10 years so............. I mean, think about it, I'm closer to people in emergencies, for social purposes, for evangelical purposes, wow, it must be right!

The other voices in my life use a different set of principles for their understanding of my situation: principles of logic instead of feeling. These voices say, "Why leave? Mary-Grace is in a great school. Karin works in Lockhart in a great job that she is not going to give up. Your rent is low for a decent house in a decent neighborhood. Your family is close by. You are only 30-40 minutes from Austin. Why move?" Hmm. It makes sense.

I have found it quite odd that the Bible says that wisdom is found in having many counselors.

Let me complicate it further. Where should I move? My realtor says I will need a miracle to move into the neighborhood around where we have planted The Well. I can afford some places further south, but when do I reach the point of diminishing returns? The difference between twenty minutes and thirty five minutes is exactly fifteen. Fifteen minutes? Hello, point? Just north of the river? East? Does it matter? If it doesn't matter then we are back to the question of moving at all. Maybe I should just move closer, like, in between so Karin and I can share the commute! Her one direction and me the other. Interesting.

Advice? Do what you feel is right. No way, been down that road, still have the scars! What do you want, Jason, after all, God has given you the desires of your heart. Again, sorry, I know my heart, he's a fickle little beast with less sense than almost all the rest of me. The only wise things he ever did were falling in love with Jesus and then Karin. Common sense! Too arguable! Sheesh! And whatever we do will be second guessed and analyzed, rightfully so because our decisions affect the vision and future of those souls that are tied to The Well.

So, it becomes about revelation. I must clear my head of expectations and preconceived notions. Be still, listen, wait. Words that people love to hate. Be still, listen, wait, obey. Surrender my will. Die to my self. Be God's.

I love hearing your advice and feedback so let me know what you think. You may be God's voice to me.

Pain Differentials and the Dance

Man, I was sick last night! I got good news about this leg problem I was having and then, boom! About four in the afternoon I picked up this stomach bug from my wife. It was not pleasant! It also wasn't normal! I had none of the disgusting symptoms usually accompanying that type of illness, just intense pain for about seven hours. Then it was done. Nothing stopped during the pain. Karin had the same thing yesterday and the evening before so she was nearly recovered but I was okay and we had a friend over who helped with the kids. Last night it was just she and I, her worn out and me in pain, but seven, three, and one year olds don't get it, the house didn't stop, life wouldn't slow down so I could feel better. That's how it works.

Some peeps would say, "Quit whining and tough it out!" Some would say, "It's the devil, fight!" or, "You must not be living right!" But you know, the truth is, whatever the cause, that in this life we have trouble, Jesus' promised. The point of common, day-to-day grace, is that we have the strength to get through those days. My illness was nothing compared to the men and women who wake up in pain every day; or in hunger, poverty, war. I think sometimes that we need these reminders of the reality of the world that we are supposed to be changing.

It reminds me of Bogart in Casa Blanca: ".....the problems of two little people don't mean a hill of beans in this big old world." His love affair with Ingrid Bergman mattered very little right then, what mattered was that the Nazi's were destroying the world. Rick, (Bogart), knew he could make a difference, so he let her go and swallowed his pain.

I'm so complacent. It's so easy to let the world slip by and be lost in my own insignificant issues when I know that to be a Christian is to make a difference in the world, to continue to redeem the world we that we inherited. What a lousy Christian I am! I know the steps but keep sitting out the dances waiting for a song that I like. We need to dance, not cry that she wore the same dress or that my heart is broken, we need to grab our partners and wheel through the crowd sharing the truth of the steps we learned. Sore feet? No excuse. Wallflower? No excuse. Don't think you can dance? Trust me, it's in you, He has written the steps on our hearts.