Why Should the Fire Die?

Greetings whomever is actually reading this! (Love to hear from you).

I'm sitting here in Austin Java Co. typing away and listening to the new Nickel Creek project entitled, Why Should the Fire Die?. I liked it from the moment I heard the title. Why should the fire die? What is it in us that makes us bank our fires or hold them back? The good ones I mean. Uncontrolled fire is a destroyer, but a fire can be controlled to death. The balance between discipline and abandon is delicate and dangerous to maintain, but maintain it we must!

One of my great old friends, Mike the Philosophy Chef, and I were talking over some seriously great Mexican food the other day. Mike and I are flipsides of the same coin in many ways. We had intended to go to college together after high school but our roads diverged as I was led to east Texas and he came to Austin as we had originally planned. Mike is one of the most brilliant people in my life and like me, many people placed a lot of expectation and hope on his abilities. Also like me, Mike lived his life by heart, freeform, like a Picasso; and although we have walked different paths, there have been many parallels. Neither of us is where we envisioned we would be at 18. Neither of us has lived up to the expectations that the people around us placed on us. Neither of us is particularly upset by that fact. Both of us have incredible families that support us even when they have no idea what we are doing and a great support system of good friends. We still walk different paths, although Mike's desire to start a restaurant parallels pretty well with the faith community that I am called to. Mike knows what I believe and so he knows I'd love for his path to join with the one I am on. He also knows I love him too much to be a jerk about it and drive him crazy with apologetics! He in turn never treats me like an idiot for my faith. Anyway, enough background.

We were talking about where we are in life and how our passions had changed over the years. We talked about being glad to be where we were and not too caught up in the rat race for stuff and station. But it remained true that our fires had not gone out. We both still desire to push forward into the adventure and live and love life. So many people are forced into compromise and silent death. So many people just lose their ability to love and live. So many people live in their past and just run into the same walls over and over again. Some people are just like me.

I have to fight to keep the fires alive. Life is hard. Bad things happen. People disappoint. I found the solace and spark to keep my heart burning in Jesus Christ, though sometimes I doubt and question everything.

I just listened to the track Doubting Thomas on the Nickel Creek project. Faith is hard, too, but it works. Life is hard, La vie est dure, as the French say, but God is so good. I don't know who is reading today, but go set yourself on fire! Don't be content in the ice of everyday. I suggest that you look into Jesus.

Going to the beach this weekend with my family. Wasn't looking forward to it, but now I am. Burn, baby, burn!

Signifies a River

Today I am pondering this place that God has led me to. I sit here, five feet from a fountain, protected from Barton Springs rd. By a low rock wall, protected from the intense Austin sun by a Heineken canopy, watching the cars travel by through the greenest city, save Seattle, I have ever seen. Within twenty feet of me are people from four different continents, various accents and modes of dress, various faces and religions. There is a cactus growing in the sidewalk garden just beyond the wall and ancient oaks across the road. Into this idyllic setting we come, deigning to tell these self-assured and generally happy people that we have answers for them. On some level it is the height of arrogance. On another, we hope, the height of obedience. We think we have an angle on theology that will appeal to these folks, truth is the only thing we can hope to know is Jesus. If we can represent Him correctly, then we have a chance to make a difference. Otherwise we are just more sound and fury signifying nothing.

I think one key for our community is a life key as well. I've been thinking about the French explorer La Salle and how he sailed down the Mississippi River and founded New Orleans. He left America for France and upon his return couldn't find where he had left the mouth of the Big River. Instead, he sailed into the Colorado river swamps in south Texas, set up camp on what was actually Garcitas creek, and tried to make where he was, the place he wanted to be. It didn't work, it never does. La Salle's men began to succumb to the harsh Texas climate and then mutinied, murdering their leader. All that remains is a little town called La Salle, close to where I attended high school, but basically, in the middle of nowhere, signifying very little.

If our own search for truth can be compared to a river journey, and I believe it can, we are actually searching for the headwaters of truth. The journey takes us farther and farther upriver, and we face increasing difficult obstacles and increasingly appealing places to camp. If we are wise, we will continue to seek further upriver for the source of that which we seek, ultimately, we believe, Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, most of us get tired of the journey, grow weary of the walk, so we settle and call our new camp, "this is where we were going all along." And then the trouble starts.

I think that in every person there is a voice and a question that drives us towards truth, if we listen and make the hard choices we find answers, if we don't, we lose our initiative, our drive, our dreams and signify nothing. The hard choice is to always press upriver, always ask the hard questions, never be satisfied that you are the authority on anything. I believe that in this seeking we find God and all good things.