Regrets. Regression, Restoration

So.

I have decided to post.

I have been thinking about God.

Surprised?

I have been thinking about how incredibly powerful and majestic and awesome God is. I have been looking back at the road of my life, paying special attentions to the stop overs that people have called 'successes' and 'failures.' I've made some terrible and wonderful choices. I have gone to lots of places I shouldn't have, and many that I should. I have ignored people and loved them. I have pranced on stage, arms up, fists in the air, listening to the roar of the crowd. I have fallen flat on my face. I have been a wonderful, loving husband and a self-centered, lazy brat of a mate. I have been a great and terrible father. I have been an obedient servant of God and I have stood akimbo, staring Him defiantly in the eye and refusing direction. I have worked hard, and I have slacked off.

Sometimes I have succeeded, despite my sin and stupidity.

Sometimes I have failed, despite my blood, sweat and tears.

But always. God has worked out His will in my life; as if I could thwart Him by any means. He is the beginning and end of all things. He is all-powerful. He loves with an everlasting love. Me?

I do the best I can to follow and be righteous, and rely on Him to work out the rest. How arrogant to claim success and failure when I am always in sin and never powerful before my Maker. I have free will, but so does He.

Come walk this way with me. Without my successes, my life would be less full, but God would still be God. Without my failures, I would never have been here to write this blog, most of you would never have known me, for I am placed by my supposed failures; but God would still be God.

What is success? To obey and learn, to make decisions of the will to follow God.

What is failure? To always play it safe, never get hurt, never fall down, never find yourself lost in the wilderness; for God is always out there beckoning us forward into the unknown. There is no measuring stick but obedience to His call. Success? Failure? Drop your chains, brothers and sisters, walk in the Light.

Just Thinking.............

Okay, this will be more along the lines of, "here's what's happening with me." Aren't you just trembling with anticipation?

Sunday was good, different but good. I was given a simple message and didn't muff the delivery too badly. I was afraid that it would be BOOOORRRRIIINNG, as my daughter says, because the content was pretty standard fare for our group but, I don't have a lot of control over the subjects: I just wait for the fire that comes when I know I've hit the right thing.

Preaching is funny to me, this is a side note, soliloquy, take to the camera, whatever. I was trained for the theater, classical mostly, and then secondly, in speech. It was my thang for a long time. When God called me to preach and pastor, it was a very different thing. I could never feel comfortable using the skills I had been taught to communicate the Word, so I learned to rely on a colloquial tone and style that people seemed to respond to as a kind of 'folksy' sermon. To this day, when I prepare for a sermon, I think about it, and still have never felt like I should "prepare" in such a way that made me seemed rehearsed or too polished. I'd welcome comments on that.

Back to my day, which is selfish really, because the odd things that happened today had nothing to do with me personally. My Dad was sent to the hospital with the Flu. That changed everything, and also made me worried about my Dad. Aging parents. Here's something I knew would be coming down the pike one day and there it is, scary as Hell. Well, probably not that scary but that's the worst thing I can think of. Man, the full Kingdom can't come soon enough can it? No more death. No more fear of death. No more watching those you love suffer or anticipating that suffering. Watching your parents get ill and not have the strength to fight through things that they used to shrug off is horrible. When I was a kid, my parents were immortals. Now, the more mortal I realize that I am, the more mortal they become, and as circumstance adds to circumstance...............

Truth is, I should be glad to feel this way, my parents are awesome compared to almost everyone's I know. Karin and I punched the dream ticket where parents are concerned. They aren't rich, any of them, but, they have limited hang-ups and love us and the kids a lot. I almost never dread seeing my parent's or in-laws and actually enjoy their company and conversation; and, I might add, their wisdom. The number of folks my age who can say those things is extremely limited. I know a lot about parents from working with teenagers for twenty years and mine and Karin's rank near the top.

On another note of interest to you, maybe, maybe not, my friend Will (Big O, The Ogre) has a job interview on Wednesday. I say this as a note of interest because, Will's unemployment has been a source of distraction for me. *Selfishness Alert* I really was worried that Will would have to move back to Southeast Texas. I guess I shouldn't count chickens before they are hatched, especially someone else's chickens, but, wow, I need him to get this job.

Will is one of my closest friends and one of the people in my life that know me so well, and for so long, that there is never any sense in being pretentious around him. He respects me and my strengths and is aware of my weaknesses and isn't and doesn't desire to be, impressed by me. That is the most liberating thing in a relationship! It's also very rare. He requires very little maintenance or entertainment and only asks that you be around when he needs you; and he's around when you need him; and he doesn't cry wolf. You guys want a definition for friend?

He tells me when he thinks I'm wrong and takes the same. He loves Jesus. He doesn't pretend to be perfect or smart or pretty. He just is. He's not perfect but, hey, no one is and anyone can gripe. I came to praise Ogre, not to bury him.

Anyway, I pray that he gets a job soon, and for his health and happiness, and ask that you do the same.

Okay, all blogged out.

Oh yeah, check out www.santarchy.com
What the ho?

Strangers, Aliens, Nomads

First of all, I removed the previous post.

I did it because it didn't come out like I wanted it to: I didn't like the tone or the way that it could be easily misunderstood so I'll some up the points.

1. Some of the things that are cool about ourselves are also weaknesses.
2. That sucks.
3. Some things that are weaknesses in us, God leaves there on purpose.
4. That also su............ Okay, I won't say it because God gets to decide and He's right.
5. People, including moi, are arrogant and judge everyone else according to what works for them.
6. God made people for specific purposes, strengths and weaknesses included so, we should get over ourselves.

That was it. It was pointed at me and whomever the Spirit pointed it at.
So enough about my vanishing post.

This Christmas season is one of the oddest I have ever experienced. The Apostle Peter says we are to live as strangers and aliens in the world but I've never felt that like I do this year. Consider: I am involved in moving my family into temporary housing with my parents; our church is having to meet in temporary space for the next three weeks; that same church is still, ultimately, impermanent, an experiment, a dream shot; due to illness, misunderstanding, busy schedules and what-not, Karin and I are more isolated than I can ever remember being. It's weird. We truly are entering a time when there is no stability in our lives except each other and God; and God is the only true stability.

I was thinking about James and Cassie, my friends/cousins, who recently adopted a baby girl from China, Annelise. You can find her blog elsewhere on the blog page for The Well. Anyway, they are in a weird transition also. They have a stranger in their house. Everything has changed, and it was a change based on decision. That's interesting. I have another friend who lives in a travel trailer, not because he has to, but by choice. Strangers, aliens, nomads. All pictures of God's people on the move.

I'm not unhappy to be entering a nomad phase of my life, truth is, I've been here over a year already. In fact I look forward to the freedom that God grants us through these times. Promised lands, simplicity, devotion, all the real blessings of God found on pilgrimage. What's your journey this Christmas?

"Do not seek the treasure!"

Do you remember "O Brother Where Art Thou?" I laughed tears from my eyes watching that film. Something in the theme of that movie struck a chord in me that has continued to sound through the few years since it came out. It could have been any number of things but one thing I was reminded of this week was the absolute dedication to "finding the treasure" in the face of hopeless odds. Even after "The Blind Bard" warned them that their "ob-stackles" would keep them from finding what they wanted, that their goal wasn't really their goal, and that the road would be much harder than they expected, they kept going. I guess desperation will do that.

I woke up this morning feeling all the "ob-stackles" in my life. I hate it when the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up is how long the journey is and how hard the fight. I also hate that, when it comes down to it, I have nothing to whine about. My problems don't matter much, but, well, they matter to me. Selfish isn't it?

The real problem isn't my obstacles, it's me.

A good portion of the miles ahead of me are not demonic road blocks or sirens waiting to turn me into a toad. A fair portion of my obstacles are of my own design; things that were shelved, put off, ignored, or employed in outright rebellion, that now line the road ahead with broken glass and wicked deadfalls. So what's a poor boy to do?

Shut up, for one thing. I'll take my problems to the Lord, He can handle them, and is willing to hear me cry. For another, I think I will just put my head down and push through. See, 'cause, like the boys in "O Brother," I know that if I pursue the treasure, the journey will lead me "even unto my salvation."

Bless you, who read this: May you be blessed with perseverance and joy for your journey; in Jesus' name and by His holy power.

jj

Hack Hack Ouch

Strep Throat.
Three Days.
I don't recommend it.

Can't talk. Can't sleep. But apparently I can whine so.......

Anyway, that's where I've been. I'll be back.