Like you'll die tomorrow!

WARNING! MORIBUND THOUGHTS!

I find myself thinking a lot about death lately. I'm preparing to fly to Oregon, flying always makes me take stock of my morality; I recently spoke at a baby's funeral and I've been reading a lot of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was writing towards his death the last five years of his life. So I guess it's normal. I've also been thinking a lot about how we just take for granted that tomorrow will be here and it steals joy from today, not to mention productivity.

I plan on working through some of this with my Spritual Director soon but, in the mean time, I thought I'd comment on where it puts me. I am no more than a little nervous about the idea of crossing over to the Bright Shore than anyone who shares our faith, however, I have to asked myself, "Have I done my best in every endeavor? Am I content to die?" And the answer is no.

I'm not ready to go. Not until I've talked to a few people I've let slide by who need to hear about Jesus. Not until I have done my very best to make sure The Well is where it needs to be. Not until I have made every effort to love friends. Not until I have tried to talk it out with everyone who thinks of me as an enemy. Not until I am sure that my kids will remember how much I loved them. Not until I am sure that my wife knows that she is my best gift (after salvation), not until I am living every day in the abundant life and with an eye towards what needs to happen today. Not until I can live like I'll die tomorrow as Rich Mullins used to sing. Then I will at least be prepared to take the journey.

Problem is, I don't get to decide when. So I must adjust my life to be ready at all times! That means I'll love more, speak more mercifully, take more chances, risk more misunderstandings, miss more deadlines, do more stuff early so the deadlines won't matter, sing every song like it's my last, make every conversation matter, be generous knowing that I might not get paid back. I know I'll never be everywhere that I want to be, I won't have the gas in the end for all of my worldly journeys, but.........

Wouldn't it be great to embrace this? This kind of passion, this desire to do right? The absolute sense of, "What if I don't see you in this world again?" Then I'd be ready, well, more.

Here's a discipline I don't have: Living with an eye towards eternity. That would change everything.

Hey, maybe it's because I turn forty this year.